


Irrevocable

by CirrusGrey



Category: The Magnus Archives (Podcast)
Genre: Love Confessions, M/M, Sad, Short, god i don't know how to tag that, implied avatarization?, implied character death/disappearance/personality change, martin's going to the lonely y'all
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-24
Updated: 2019-03-24
Packaged: 2019-11-29 13:15:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 683
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18223637
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CirrusGrey/pseuds/CirrusGrey
Summary: Irrevocable, adj: not able to be changed, reversed, or recovered; final.Martin has made his choice.





	Irrevocable

**Author's Note:**

> [This](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1jYaQJKs1pY) was stuck in my head while I was writing this, if you’re looking for an extra little bit of angst.

Jon catches him in an empty corridor on the third floor, and for once, he doesn't try to run. They are nearing the end now, hurtling toward the point of no return, and he can spare himself this one small luxury. Five minutes for himself, while he is still  _ himself.  _   
  
"I thought I asked you to stop finding me."   
  
"I know." There is a look in Jon's eyes that Martin can't quite place, somewhere between guilt and desperation. "I just- I realized something, and I... I needed to tell you." One of his hands fiddles nervously with the hem of his sleeve, and he takes a deep breath before continuing. "Martin, I- I have f-feelings for you."   
  
"Oh," and Martin's world spins out from beneath him, for this is all he has ever wanted and all he thought he would never get. And because of the choices he has made, it is something he cannot accept. "Jon, I- I can't-" he takes a deep breath, steeling himself for the next words. "I d-don't feel the same, anymore."   
  
Jon exhales sharply, something in his face closing off.    
  
"Oh." A piece of Martin breaks at the soft sound, but he cannot take the words back. There is more at stake here than their hearts, and Jon will understand soon enough. Jon's eyes close briefly before he looks back at Martin, a carefully neutral expression on his face. "That's... that's fine, I... I understand."   
  
"I'm sorry." He can see the question burning behind Jon's eyes, fueled by a fear he would never express:  _ Is it because I am a monster? _ But Jon does not ask, shaking his head at Martin's apology.    
  
"No, it's... I'm sorry I'm too late." His voice is quietly resigned.   
  
"Jon..."   
  
Jon shakes his head again. "L- look, I should, I should go. You're busy, and I, I have stuff I should be... um." He takes a step back the way he came, not quite leaving but making it clear he does not wish to stay. Martin wants to reach out and pull him back, hold him close and tell him he'll never leave, erase the distance he has created between them. But he does not, keeping himself still as Jon's mouth twists in a brittle smile. "Good luck, with whatever it is you're doing, Martin. I hope it works out for you."   
  
And then he turns and walks away, footsteps sharp against the old wooden floor. He does not look back, and Martin stares after him until he turns a corner and disappears from view. 

~~~~~

It is only a few days later that the tape recorder appears, sitting on his desk on the day before it all ends. Martin is grateful for its presence, as a last chance to reach out to those he is leaving behind, but it still takes his breath away with the finality of the moment. It is the last time he will do this, and there is so much left to say.   
  
He reaches out with a shaking hand, and clicks it on.   
  
"Before I begin, I just- I-    
  
"...I'm sorry, Jon. I... I  _ do  _ still have feelings for you, I just... I had to keep my distance, you know? But I... I still feel the same. Nothing has changed, I still... I love you. I  _ love  _ you, with every fiber of my soul, and I just... I'm sorry.    
  
"That's why I'm making this statement, because- because I don't know if I'll be able to, after everything that's going to happen tomorrow. I don't know if I'll still be able to  _ care. _   
  
"So. Statement of Martin Blackwood, Archi-  _...former _ Archival Assistant at the Magnus Institute, London.    
  
"Statement begins."   
  
Some time later, the recorder clicks off. It will be found in a week's time, long after events have taken their course and it is far to late to change anything. The cobwebs that adorn its surface will need to be brushed off before it is played, but the ink on the handwritten label will still be fresh when the Archivist's trembling fingers trace over the familiar handwriting:   
  
_ Goodbye. _


End file.
